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We’re the primary teachers who are also in the Marines
In my one hand the lesson, in the other my M16
Last week my finger slipped and this thing went off
Got some holes in the walls, we’re lucky not kids got shot

The golden rule better work when everybody’s packing heat
And with all these guns it sure is hard to teach peace
We’re hoping kids do what we say, not what we do
When they graduate from Armed to the Teeth Elementary School

Armed to the Teeth Elementary School
Armed to the Teeth Elementary School
Reading, writing and assault rifles too
At Armed to the Teeth Elementary School

First graders welcome to the police state
We bring video games to life right here every day
So put on your helmets, strap on your Kevlar vests
It’s hard to focus on school, but it’s time for a test

Armed to the Teeth Elementary School
Armed to the Teeth Elementary School
Reading, writing and assault rifles too
At Armed to the Teeth Elementary School

Wrote the Nine Commandments on my ammo box
Thou shalt not kill, I had to leave that one off
We’re hoping kids do what we say, not what we do
When they graduate from Armed to the Teeth Elementary School

Armed to the Teeth Elementary School
Armed to the Teeth Elementary School
Reading, writing and assault rifles too
At Armed to the Teeth Elementary School

I do as I please
You’ll just have to bleed
I’m the great Donald Trump
I’ve got to be number one
It’s all about me

No climate change you see
We’ll go science-free
I’m making cash for my biz
While I’m killing your kids
It’s all about me

I made a campaign promise
To make America great again
We’ll shoot down the blacks
And put women in their place under men

Come sit next to me
You’re so pretty
My ego gets stroked
With each woman I grope
It’s all about me

The press is fake new
When they make their attacks
But I’m not stuck with the truth
I’ve got alternative facts

My day’s not complete
Without multiple tweets
I’m a bully and liar
I’m a great fiction writer
It’s all about me

I do as I please
You’ll just have to bleed
I’m the great human race
And I’m in first place
It’s all about me

Love a big GNP
Love my big SUV
And I don’t despair
For the water and air
It’s all about me

I’m up on the stage
And I’ve got the lead roll
If you can’t adapt
Then you’ll have to go

More development please
I’ve got all these needs
Eagle, grizzly and elk
Can just go to hell
It’s all about me

I learned to walk upright
And I grew this big brain
Population growth thrills me
And I get my way

Coast to coast concrete
A technological feet
I’m toasting and drinking
Cheers to extinction
As long as it’s not me
Because it’s all, it’s all, it’s all
It’s all about me

I was looking for Jesus, but I could never find him
Til I read in St. Luke that he was a friend of people lost in sin
Then I went to church and the preacher said that sinners
All would go to hell--it was later that night I put two and two together

I thought, Then...
Jesus must be in hell
If that’s where the sinners go
Jesus must be in hell
But not too many people know
So if you want to find Jesus as bad as I do
You’ll surely want to go there too
He’s not at church, he’s not in Rome
He loves them sinners so he’s made hell his home

The next week I rush into church with great elation
I stand up and announce, Hey! Everyone I’ve had a revelation
They march me to the pulpit, I climb the stairs and then declare
Since Jesus is a friend of sinners, I know where he’s at! Come we’ll meet him there

Yes...
Jesus must be in hell
If that’s where the sinners go
Jesus must be in hell
But not too many people know
So if you want to find Jesus as bad as I do
You’ll surely want to go there too
He’s not at church, he’s not in Rome
He loves them sinners so he’s made hell his home

My words caused a hundred church ladies to faint
The minister said, Stone that man! The gospel that sure aint
The whole congregation started to jump and shout
They grabbed me by the collar to throw me out
But I stood up tall and defended myself
I took a hymnal off of the shelf
I said what more proof do you need
And then I read them the Apostles’ Creed

Cause it says,
Jesus descended to hell,
I thought you all would know
Jesus descended to hell
Cause that’s where the sinners go
So if you want to find Jesus as bad as I do
You’ll surely want to go there too
They’re not outcasts, they are his own
He loves them sinners, so he’s made hell his home

Jesus must be in hell
If that’s where the sinners go
Jesus must be in hell
But not too many people know
So if you want to find Jesus as bad as I do
You’ll surely want to go there too
He’s not at church, he’s not in Rome
He loves them sinners so he’s made hell his home

When I sing this song, I feel the same way as when I see homeless people on the street.   

On a street corner she stands
Abandoned by her mother and dad
No house to go inside
Blessed are the children who are able to cry
When love’s just a lie

Yeah, when love’s just a lie
Take away any hope I could find
Put poison in my morning tea
Today I don’t believe
I’m still in chains not free

I’m still in chains not free
Tossed away like a piece of property
Leave me on the street like litter
Suddenly it’s cold as winter
And no one even looks at me

No one even looks at me
When they walk by like I’ve got leprosy
Must be the sound of those scars that they hear
The sound of those beatings makes even them fear
There’s pollution and false hope in the air

There’s pollution and false hope in the air
If I’m not holding my breath I’m breathing despair
Everyone is washing their hands
Tell me, where is the son of man?
On a street corner she stands

Jesus and Lincoln walked to Washington
To lobby for equality, truth and love
Not for just one species, but for all
And that's why they gave their famous sermon on the mall
Sermon on the mall, Sermon on the mall
That's why they gave their famous sermon on the mall

It's fine little sermon and it goes like this

What happens to a parasite that kills its host?
Who are the people that you love the most?
Isn't love the best most entertaining
So hold them close now cause love's worth saving
So hold them close now cause love's worth saving

Why did we move into this techno bubble
Why did we cut off our roots—that's trouble
How did the wind blow us off course
And why did the humans file for divorce
And why did the humans file for divorce

Don't all those galaxies make you feel humble
Our bio-telescopes can hear the background rumble
How many billions of stars in the sky
We're thinking 'bout how and we're wondering why
We're thinking 'bout how and we're wondering why

Who's gonna sing up the morning sun
Who's gonna dance till the daylight comes
It may not be science but it makes big love
And didn't someone say that love is number one
And didn't someone say that love is number one

How come Santa Claus is dressed in black?
How come the children want a carbon tax?
Can Santa fly without reindeer? No!
That's why the reindeer need the right to vote
That's why the reindeer need the right to vote

And give polar bears their own Senate seat
Let them have the floor and freely speak
Hey, Senator will you change your vote
If you are staring down a polar bear throat
Imagine that, a polar bear throat

Shall we throw a wake for the polar ice cap
When it melts you know all the oceans will get fat
We may be big and we may be bad
Just don't be in the way when the earth gets mad
Just don't be in the way when the earth gets mad

A time machine took us to twenty forty-four
A half a billion people up on death row
They loved economic growth and drill baby drill
They'ze convicted of having their grandchildren killed
They'ze convicted of having their grandchildren killed`

Jesus and Lincoln said, That sermon was fine
And they walked down the mall, giving high fives
Said we gotta change now cause aint much time
So we aint take no more two legged jive

Yes
Jesus and Lincoln walked to Washington
To lobby for equality, truth and love
Not for just one species, but for all
And that's why they gave their famous sermon on the mall
Sermon on the mall, Sermon on the mall
That's why they gave their famous sermon on the mall

So
Let's raise a glass and make a toast
To all the people we love the most
Bid them adieu soon we'll all be ghosts
What happens to a parasite that kills it's host
What happens to a parasite that kills it's host

My name is Warren Harding
I was president back in the twenties
And for too long James Buchanan and me
Have been put down, kicked around, mocked and cursed
Cause when they talk about presidents, they say
They say we were the worst

Worst president ever, Worst president ever, the shame
Worst president, like a ball and chain, worst president
Our names have borne the shame
Buchanan and Harding
Worst president ever

James and I we made a plan
Cause we’d had enough
We’ll find a man who is corrupt
A liar, low-down dirty and dumb
We’ll bait him with approval lust
And that will get him to run

Worst president ever, Worst president ever, the shame
Worst president, like a ball and chain, worst president
If we succeed, we will be free
There will be a new
Worst presidents ever

So we looked around and much to our good luck
We stumbled onto Donald J Trump
Who threw the election in 2016
Not the Russians
Was Buchanan and me

Worst president ever, Worst president ever, the shame
Worst president, like a ball and chain, worst president
His name will bear the shame
Donald Trump
Worst president ever